Friendly Mails

	Dear Reader, On here I want you to share with me some interesting and funny stuff I receive in friendly emails now and then from friends all over the world, sometimes I even translate them into German. Enjoy, let me know what you think or send me some of your favourite links, please. I hereby declare not being responsible for the contents of any links.
	Liebe Leserin, lieber Leser! Auf dieser Seite zeige ich von Freunden aus der ganzen Welt -meist in Englisch - erhaltene E-mails die zum Schmunzeln oder Staunen anregen sollen. Ich freue mich über jede Zusendung, erkläre mich aber nicht verantwortlich für den Inhalt oder die Funktion eines Links.
	Caro Lettore/Lettrice, Su questa pagina voglio farti vedere delle cose buffe o interessanti che ricevo ogni tanto nella mia Posta degli Amici. Qualche volta traduco ciò che ricevo perfino in Tedesco. Divertiti, fammi sapere cosa ne pensi oppure segnalami per favore i tuoi siti preferiti. Con la presente declino qualsiasi responsabilità per i contenuti dei siti segnalati.

Today's Liz Special

July 29, 2010

Blond

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

An alarm clock is a small device used to wake up people
who have no children at home.

Q: What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a sheep?
A: An animal that knits its own sweaters.

Blond

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." said the blonde.

Job prospects

A Catholic priest and a Rabbi are talking about job prospects. Well," says the priest, "there's a good chance that I'll be the next bishop - maybe within the next couple of years." "Bishop!" marvels the Rabbi, "very nice. And after that?" "Oh, I don't know, I suppose it's possible I could become Archbishop...given luck and God's blessing."

"Very nice, very nice; and after Archbishop?" "Ha! Well, you know, it's Cardinal after that, but it's really very unlikely. But in theory, I could become a Cardinal." "Lovely!" enthuses the Rabbi, "the scarlet would suit your complexion. So what's after Cardinal?" The priest smiles: "After Cardinal? Well, it's Pope - but I'm hardly likely to become... hmmm, oh I suppose it's just possible. If a Pole why not an Englishman again? Yes, I could just become Pope." "Splendid! And after Pope?" The priest looks at him in surprise: "After Pope? There's nothing after Pope! I mean, there's just God above the Pope - I can't become God." "Why not? One of our boys made it."

"Nine"

A man was meeting a friend in a bar, and as he went in, he noticed two pretty girls looking at him "Nine," he heard one whisper as he passed.
Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered over to his buddy and told him a girl had just rated him a nine out of ten.
"I don't want to ruin it for you," his friend said, "but when I walked in, they were speaking German."

Blond

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Who sank the Titanic?

A plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese..'
'No rike Chinese?' asks the copilot, ... ..why not?'
'You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!'
'No, no, the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah ! That Japanese, not Chinese.'
'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese.. .doesn't matter, you're all alike!'
There's a few minutes of silence..
'I no rike Jews either!' the copilot suddenly announces.
'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.
'Jews sink Titanic says the co-pilot.'
'What? That's insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, 'It was an iceberg!'
'Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , ...no mattah...all same ! ! ! !

Examination paper

In the examination paper, the professor wanted us to sign a form stating that we had not received any outside assistance. Unsure of whether he should sign the form, a student stated that he had prayed for the assistance of God.

The professor carefully studied the answer script and then said, "You can sign it with a clear conscience. God did not assist you."

Baroque (adj.): When you are out of Monet.

Husband & wife

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'
She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder, it's 'Miracle Grow'!

Wedding night

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed. Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job. Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly $1 million.

Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million. She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments. The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'
That's when she shot him!" You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut!

THANKS to Ruthie/USA for this amazing picture - it reminds me of Arizona ...

"Maukie" 4u